Wednesday, 10 July 2019

The invitation

WARNING: Do not read if you are too sensitive, empathic or easily influenced. 

A dark alley and a flickering street light - the perfect decor for a noir crime movie. You walk slowly on the sidewalk, dressed in your beautiful yellow dress, thinking about the wonderful evening you had. In your hand, you have the flowers you received for your success - a bouquet of bright red roses. Your eyes inspect the note on them and you give a wide smile which lingers for a while on your lips, before you turn serious again.
You think about the small argument you had that night but your attention is soon diverted to a noise you heard close to you.
Your boots make loud noises on the pavement as you step and you breath fast. You notice the strong pain in your ankles, did you start walking too fast?

Suddenly, you take the corner and you look back. You can feel someone behind you but you don't see any silhouette. You start slowly digging your nails in the palm of your hand and you bite your lips, worried. 'Calm down, there's none ', you tell yourself, as the feeling that you're being watched sinks in deeper. You force your now frozen body to move and you feel how your feet are getting heavier. It's the middle of July bur your skin is cold, you're shivering. As you're starting to walk again, you feel your pulse slowing down. The house you live in is close - by, surely you'll be safer there, you tell yourself.
Your pupils dilate and your eyebrows furrow, then you feel a hand on your shoulder. It feels like burning, in contact with your ice - cold skin and its grip is tight. Your heart is beating in your ears and you don't dare look behind you. You close your eyes, old your breath and let yourself in the hands of fate, paralyzed.
Sharp nails start clawing at your arms and neck, making their way to your elbows, leaving marks in the flesh. You don't know if it's because of the pain you're feeling or the blurriness of your mind but tears start running down your cheeks. Your sight gets hazy, you wish you could move or say something but it feels as if your body is not your own. Someone is grabbing your hair and pulling it strongly, it's biting your hands and slapping your face! A sharp pain in your breasts and a deep scratch on your belly... the tears dry on your face. Suddenly, you feel a strong hand behind your head, pushing it down. The first time, there is just immense pain. The second time, blood runs down your eyes, nose and chin. The third, there is just darkness...

You knew it would happen, you felt it in your gut before you left the restaurant. Those chills on your hands were warning you but you chose to ignore them. You thought that since it was a good day, it won't end up in disaster again. You were invited over by a friend but you decided to go home to rest, unaccompanied, even if you knew you can't be left alone.
You felt confident tonight and now you're laying on the sidewalk, your pretty dress torn, the beautiful roses tossed aside and stepped on. Your hair - the one you cut a month ago, in desperation - covers your bleeding forehead.
Someone will find you soon and they will call the police, trying to find the culprit but you know there isn't ever any culprit. There's just you, just your intrusive thoughts making you hate yourself, your hallucinations, your anxiety and self - destruction.
Soon, you will get well again and you'll start over, smiling, laughing, receiving awards and seeming fine. You'll be surrounded by friends and family, until one evening when you will be all alone and it will start all over again.
All it takes is one disappointment, one argument, one negative feeling in an otherwise perfect day and it starts again.
You should have accepted the invitation...